I've just learned that one of my colleagues spent the weekend celebrating his son's wedding anniversary. That's all well and good; people celebrate wedding anniversaries all the time. It's a normal, socially accepted part of life. Except, his son isn't actually married yet. Apparently he doesn't get married until this time next year. What they've actually celebrated is a minus one year anniversary. MINUS ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Surely it doesn't work like that; you can't celebrate the anniversary of something that hasn't happened yet. What do you get someone for their minus one year anniversary? Dust? Do they have to have two parties on “the big day”: the wedding reception and their zero year anniversary party? Several years down the line, if it doesn’t work out, are they going to surprise each other with a minus one year anniversary of their divorce? “Hi honey! I’ve bought you these dead flowers and a box of stale chocolates... Happy minus one year anniversary! This time next year we’ll be divorced... Surprise!”
I've been hearing this colleague on the phone with his son for at least the last two months discussing various aspects of the wedding plans. I distinctly remember one heated half of a conversation (obviously I only hear my colleague's half) regarding the amount of people they were inviting. From what I could gather, inviting a certain group of people would mean changing venues, and they'd lose their deposit, and budget for extra catering etc. I have no idea when the son actually got engaged, but there's already been two months worth of planning and there's still another entire year to go. That means that at the very least, fourteen months of planning will go into this wedding. Fourteen months! Does it really take fourteen months to plan a fucking wedding? After all, you only have to give a minimum of fifteen days notice to get married in the UK. Well, one quick search on t'internet - and a quick search was about all I could stomach - tells me that yes, apparently about twelve months is the optimum time to plan a wedding, and that's probably just because a notice of marriage is only valid for twelve months. Apparently there are specialist companies that will plan a “last minute” wedding in six months. Even this seems a ridiculously large amount of time to be planning something so pointless.
For anyone that doesn't know me I should probably point out at this stage that I don't believe in marriage. I think it's an outdated, unnecessary, expensive and useless form of social control originally used by religion, and then absorbed into government. With incentives ranging from pleasing - or more to the point, not displeasing - a god, to tax breaks and death benefits. Marriage was, and still is, a way to try, from what I can work out, to keep the populace (or at least the female half of it) monogamous. Which was what was needed to keep society stable, and to ensure that the dominating male sex didn't "protect and nurture" genes that weren't their own. If you think about the whole marriage process, the wedding part of it has always been about the woman; for one day she becomes the centre of attention, although that’s now been extended to about a year. But the wedding day is all about the bride, making her feel special, making her feel like the only person in the whole world that matters. Then after that the marriage, where traditionally the woman’s role is to basically become a baby making servant to the husband. And in some ultra conservative views, cultures and religions this still is the case. I know things, at least in most of western culture, have changed now, that women have battled hard for centuries and in particular the last century, and are still battling, to achieve an equal standing with men, to rid society of the stereotype view of a downtrodden homemaking wife. So it surprises me that women still go for a device of manipulation that was blatantly devised to trap them into a life of service.
To bring it back on topic. It seems to me the only reason for it to take twelve months or more to plan a wedding, is so the people involved within the industry can make more money: the more time you have to second guess yourself, the more likely you are to change your mind and spend just that little bit more. To invite those few extra guests resulting in a change of venue. Cancel one supplier in favour of another, losing your deposit in the process. Find those perfect little table place holders, at the umpteenth wedding fair you pay to get into, that end up costing a few hundred quid. The industry seems full of little ways to squeeze that last little extra bit of cash out of you.
So if people are willing to celebrate an event that hasn't even happened yet, why bother having the event at all? Just carry on with the annual celebration. You can start with a minus fifty year anniversary, and if you make it to your zero year anniversary the government (or other ruling entity) of the time throws a massive banquet/ball/rave/strop in your honour. Coats you in gold leaf and parades you to the masses on top of your very own giant wedding cake borne on the backs of out of work wedding planners. Wouldn’t THAT be something to look forward to?
I've been hearing this colleague on the phone with his son for at least the last two months discussing various aspects of the wedding plans. I distinctly remember one heated half of a conversation (obviously I only hear my colleague's half) regarding the amount of people they were inviting. From what I could gather, inviting a certain group of people would mean changing venues, and they'd lose their deposit, and budget for extra catering etc. I have no idea when the son actually got engaged, but there's already been two months worth of planning and there's still another entire year to go. That means that at the very least, fourteen months of planning will go into this wedding. Fourteen months! Does it really take fourteen months to plan a fucking wedding? After all, you only have to give a minimum of fifteen days notice to get married in the UK. Well, one quick search on t'internet - and a quick search was about all I could stomach - tells me that yes, apparently about twelve months is the optimum time to plan a wedding, and that's probably just because a notice of marriage is only valid for twelve months. Apparently there are specialist companies that will plan a “last minute” wedding in six months. Even this seems a ridiculously large amount of time to be planning something so pointless.
For anyone that doesn't know me I should probably point out at this stage that I don't believe in marriage. I think it's an outdated, unnecessary, expensive and useless form of social control originally used by religion, and then absorbed into government. With incentives ranging from pleasing - or more to the point, not displeasing - a god, to tax breaks and death benefits. Marriage was, and still is, a way to try, from what I can work out, to keep the populace (or at least the female half of it) monogamous. Which was what was needed to keep society stable, and to ensure that the dominating male sex didn't "protect and nurture" genes that weren't their own. If you think about the whole marriage process, the wedding part of it has always been about the woman; for one day she becomes the centre of attention, although that’s now been extended to about a year. But the wedding day is all about the bride, making her feel special, making her feel like the only person in the whole world that matters. Then after that the marriage, where traditionally the woman’s role is to basically become a baby making servant to the husband. And in some ultra conservative views, cultures and religions this still is the case. I know things, at least in most of western culture, have changed now, that women have battled hard for centuries and in particular the last century, and are still battling, to achieve an equal standing with men, to rid society of the stereotype view of a downtrodden homemaking wife. So it surprises me that women still go for a device of manipulation that was blatantly devised to trap them into a life of service.
To bring it back on topic. It seems to me the only reason for it to take twelve months or more to plan a wedding, is so the people involved within the industry can make more money: the more time you have to second guess yourself, the more likely you are to change your mind and spend just that little bit more. To invite those few extra guests resulting in a change of venue. Cancel one supplier in favour of another, losing your deposit in the process. Find those perfect little table place holders, at the umpteenth wedding fair you pay to get into, that end up costing a few hundred quid. The industry seems full of little ways to squeeze that last little extra bit of cash out of you.
So if people are willing to celebrate an event that hasn't even happened yet, why bother having the event at all? Just carry on with the annual celebration. You can start with a minus fifty year anniversary, and if you make it to your zero year anniversary the government (or other ruling entity) of the time throws a massive banquet/ball/rave/strop in your honour. Coats you in gold leaf and parades you to the masses on top of your very own giant wedding cake borne on the backs of out of work wedding planners. Wouldn’t THAT be something to look forward to?
that was hilarious!!!! hahahahahaaa
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