I like spooning as much as the next man: My girlfriend happily slumbering in my arms, while I lay with my body pressed up against hers, wondering if I will ever get any feeling back in my arm. Her hair tickling my nose each time I breathe in. But still feeling all cosy, warm and romantic... Then she farts, just a little one, a silent little lazy pop.
Of course there are two roles in the act of spooning: the front spoon, or spoonee and the rear spoon, or spooner. Obviously I have no idea how it is for women in the role of spooner when your partner breaks wind, but I can tell you what happens when the spooner is a man: the testicles, which in this position are squashed up against the bum of the spoonee, act as a kind of fart net, capturing the bottom burp as it makes its fetid bid for freedom. This is a strange sensation in itself, giving the testicles a little tickle as the fart hits, then for some reason, instead of taking the shortest route of least resistance and disappearing through the gap between our legs, the ambitious toot proceeds to travel along the shaft of the penis, which is nestled comfortably between the bum cheeks of the spoonee, and gives the pubic hair a little ruffle on its way past.
With pubes ruffled, the fart has now reached the point where the spooner’s belly is firmly pressed against the spoonee’s back, but even this isn’t enough to halt the intrepid flatus on its journey. It just carries on regardless, forcing its way through. The effect created on the belly of the spooner as the fart pushes its way along between back and belly, spoonee and spooner, gently parting the skin then equally as gently letting the skin of both bodies come back together, has got to be one of the most ticklish sensations I’ve experienced.
With the belly/back obstacle successfully traversed the voyaging fart is finally free, no more obstacles stand in its way. And with an extra little push from the gap it created on its way through closing up behind it, the fart makes a final dash past the chest, and straight into your face...
Quite often these farts come as a surprise and they send me into little tickle spasms each time they happen. But sometimes I can actually feel it coming, with my arm resting on her waist, or through my belly pressed against her back, I can sometimes feel the bubbling, gurgling, rumbling effect of the intestinal gas snaking its way through the intestines, and then I know that within minutes, or even seconds I’m going to be sent into little flatulence induced tickle spasms. But even then, when I’m expecting it and can try to reposition myself thus avoiding the fart altogether, it still somehow manages to follow the same damn spasm inducing path.
