Get Out Clause

Invite me to an event that’s several months away and, if I can’t get away with deferring my answer, the chances are I’ll say yes, even if it’s something that I really don’t want to do. I will agree to almost anything if it seems far enough away for me not to have to think about it, then, as the time for the event draws nearer, I’ll get into a panic and desperately try to think of excuses not to have to go. Every time I do it I know that later on down the line I’m going to regret saying yes but sometimes it just seems the simplest thing to do, particularly if the person inviting me is a friend. Saying no may well upset them and lead to a confrontation that will interrupt my simple, selfish, hassle free life. The worst example of this are parties; as I’ve mentioned before in this blog, I don’t know how to handle certain social situations and parties really are a nightmare for me, when faced with a group of people that I don’t know I become very quiet and disappear into my own little world. At best I’ll latch on to the one person I know for as long as I possibly can until they inevitably prise them self away to actually do some socialising, at which point I’ll be left sitting in the same spot for the rest of the night, feeling sorry for myself and trying my damnedest to become invisible, all the time getting more and more self conscious about the fact that I’m not interacting, but still not actually being able to bring myself to interact. I’ll break out in a heavy sweat, my entire head burning up and glowing like a horny firefly, at just the thought of having a conversation with a complete stranger. But if I’m invited to a party and I try to honestly explain that I don’t want to go because of the above reasons, I’ll be accused of being silly, and I’ll be told ‘everyone feels like that, once you’re there you’ll be fine. Come on, come to the party, don’t be so boring, blah blah, yadda yadda, etc’ and it won’t stop until I agree to go, whereupon I end up latching on to the one person I know for as long as I possibly can until...

I could just lie and try to make up some plausible excuse as to why I can’t go, but the problem with that is I really am an absolutely rubbish liar, not only do I get an overwhelming feeling of guilt about lying to a friend, but I also seem to be quite incapable of just telling a small believable lie, especially if I have to do it right there on the spot. If I lie, it’s as a story teller, weaving a tale so fantastical and unbelievable that only the most gullible of idiots would fall for it, and if I do come across someone that gullible, and they are out there, that just encourages me to be even more outrageously fantastical to see how far I can go before they finally suspect that maybe I’m taking the piss.

Which brings me neatly to the reason for writing this:

Harold ‘Armageddon’ Camping.

I believe that Harold Camping suffers from the same problem I do, but his solution to it is to declare the END OF DAYS! ‘I’m sorry brother Jim Bob, I can’t come to your party after all. Unfortunately, according to my calculations, that day will be the start of the rapture... Yeah I know, it’s such a shame, but I couldn’t possibly risk missing judgement day.’

So, the 21^st of May came and went without incident, but at least Harold didn’t have to sit, feeling awkward and self conscious, in the middle of a party that he didn’t really want to be at. And it seems that Mr Camping has been invited to yet another party (do his friends never learn?) on Friday 21^st of October. So on that day, while you’re all preparing to party the weekend away, spare a thought for poor old painfully shy Harold ‘Armageddon’ Camping, and maybe raise a glass for him, but whatever you do, PLEASE do not invite him to another damn party.